Re-new Medium

Since young, I can never keep a diary. I have so many pink diaries with feathers, butterflies and hearts sketched all over, with a date on the top right hand corner, filled with daily entries. The entries will last for a couple of pages, then the next 6 months, I will find the diary underneath my bed and I will only start to write the entries back for a couple of days(or weeks) and the cycle just keep going on and on and on until I get bored.

Unfortunately, for a person who love each and single of bitter beautiful memories, I can't seem to keep a diary properly unlike my sister who keeps to more than a diary for she has started writing entries in journals since young! I have no idea where she kept the rest of her diaries but for sure every night before sleeping, she's scribbling. I guess technology have spoilt me.

In a way I wish I could private this blog so I could literally update on anything for myself to comprehend (since I am faithful to online journal) but I didn't want to stop updating my friends too. I can be quite private with certain things in my life, especially things that have to do with my family, friends, and heart.

This medium has been a good way of pouring every down, dispute, fears, anger etc. I feel safe that some of my friends reading knows about what's going on in my life but I feel unsafe too when I become the negativity topic in a group of talking friends: then I would be the sole reason of why people want to talk behind my back and invite sin. It starts with me.

Just maybe like what someone have said, I should think less and start doing what's right. I still want to grow old (I am sure I still know how to use the computer) and reading through each of my archives of beautiful and bitter things that ever happened. Who knows my friends and I were not in good terms as I grow wrinkles and reading entries about them makes me love them even so. And then the surprises my family always planned during my birthdays with touching gifts, or how I met my other half.

I should, and have decided, this medium will be where I store all the things I would like to remember. Sharing good memories is a good deed. :-)

Week 9 out of 14?

Oh my, its week 9. Few more weeks to go, one major project untouched, three minor projects not known(note: its up but we have not done specifications) I feel like....

Alright, lets go, I can do it. I can and I will.

p/s: This is bad. Been thinking about it.

Quality, not quantity

Reference of: Ibu jalani dialisis lahirkan bayi kembar

Having a sumptuous breakfast on the morning of weekends is good, especially with my mother in the kitchen. My mother and I are obviously people who cares about the society much more than you can imagine; especially when we both love Berita(news) and any newspapers in all languages that we are capable reading of(padahal boleh baca English dan Melayu aje). I brought up the topic of the article that i read few days back regarding a woman who has kidney failure yet giving birth to twins. To my own opinion, there's nothing good about it. So did my mother.

I agree to certain extent that this topic is subjective. To some, the good factor about the news is that a woman who is not perfect in her health condition yet can have the strength to give birth to two healthy babies is beyond expectations of the doctors. Alhamdulillah, Allah almighty's amazing powers. But.... what about, having being a weak mother who can't afford to go out to work, being sick and in need of expensive medications, when the husband does not earn much with having 8 mouths to feed in total now...? So what's the good thing about giving birth to babies when physically, financially everyone's weak?

And what good having more kids, apa banyak anak, banyak lah rezeki melimpah ruah? Memang, rezeki melimpah ruah tetapi secara indirect. Rezeki yang datang hanya akan terus langsung ke arah anak-anak untuk disuap dengan makanan yang baik dan yang sihat. Rezeki banyak datangnya untuk anak. Jadi, beranak pinak banyak-banyak bukan datang rezeki dari langit terus hempap atas diri sendiri. Think about it.

Its time people learn about contraception; they're not that expensive to afford. Think about controlling lust cause lust brings us deep into the gallows. Think about quality not quantity. Think about them going to school, think about feeding them with your own hands. Jangan asyik mengharapkan orang lain bila kita sendiri tak mampu sebab kita yang meletakkan diri kita ke aras sebegitu. Even to an extent of in the middle of making love, please remember about the future of the fruit you're about to plant a seed onto. Gunakan akal.

Malulah kita?

Reference: Pantai kita, Rumah mereka

memang!
memang kehidupan berlandaskan air,
tapi tidak perlu hidup bertepian air
mewarisi pepatah jangan ikutkan cakap orang
terus telinga pekak tanpa destinasi
menanam benih kehidupan
merempat, tanpa bertempat

tak usah bermegah
disifatkan sempurna
jikalau dimainkan dalam akal
bertalu-talu buntu
syaitan mula membisik alunan merdu
malas pula menakhluk badan
tanpa malu menuju
memaparkan wajah berkedut seribu
tagih simpati, di dalam khabar
khabar angin?

sedangkan yang cacat dan yang bodoh
berteduh sempurna
tiada bertepian bergantung kehidupan
hendak seribu mahu, tak hendak seribu dalih
ada akal, ada kulit
mengapa tembok dijadikan kebiasaan?

lahir sempurna kulit yang kau sarung
lahir sempurna akal yang kau pandu
mengapa salahkan takdir
sedangkan kita diajar merubah nasib badan sendiri
memalukan yang sama menyarung kulit
memalukan yang sama berpandu akal
memalukan kita yang dianggap ciptaan Tuhan yang terindah?

malulah kita kepada air,
kalau bisa dia bersuara,
mengharapkan air tanpa mengharapkan badan

malulah kita kepada Tuhan,
dilahir dengan tulang empat kerat
tapi bergerak seperti pula tiada tulang

malulah kita...

Simple Me-er

Apparently, one of the closest boy friend I ever had got enlisted this morning. Seeing the changes NS-men underwent leaves me in fear. I have had troubles communicating with my friends who served the nation and return only leaving me with a question to voice for. "How are you? How is ns treating you?" And then no more. That's it.

This is the first time I have had fears for a friend enlisting. Aameer means much more than a friend. He taught me how to live life with simplicity, he gave life to every of my dreams, he was there(although he once cried and said sorry because he said he wasn't there for me all the while). Aameer teaches me how to appreciate friendships. He tells me the bitter truths about people. When they're bad, they're bad. If they're good, they're good. Every week, Aameer will eventually chat with me in msn regularly despite graduating from school. He shares everything in him with me and I'll do vice versa.We'll walk home together and talk so much about life. Aameer is one of a special friend.

I could never forget how he wet my baju kurung during hari raya. He would hug me tight and whispered how sorry he was for everything and that he loves me a lot. I would cry eventually and remembered how he stayed up to talk to me when I am upset with an incident, how he listened to me crying on the phone(I believe he could never understood what I was mumbling then).

And for being a patient person; Aameer taught me several chords on the guitar, Aameer corrected my pitchings and vocals, Aameer was the one who taught me to play percussion. I vividly remembered how I couldn't get certain beats and he finally used notes for playing the percussion just for me. Hah, remember out in in out in out in out in out in in out in in, out in out in in. Hahahahahaha, man lovely moments.

Aameer won't be reading this but he will in two weeks time. I think we should hang out more often like it was before and maybe with the cute girl also. Hahaha.

And i think everyone should start appreciating your friends who made marks in you too before the good moments are over.